Encouraging perseverance in your son: Why does my child give up so easily?

One of the greatest gifts that you can give your son is the confidence and strength to overcome adversity. But first we need to understand why children give up so easily. So we’ll explore that here…

Your child may fear failure or lack the confidence and experience to understand the pride that comes from adversity. By allowing your son to experience difficult situations and encouraging him through them, you can give him a superpower that exceeds all his peers.

Why does my son give up so easily?

We are all human and have all been young. It’s easy, with the wisdom of age and experience to be frustrated when our sons quit. But you should remember when you were his age. How long did it take to learn about the pride of achievement that comes with finishing something difficult? Do you still give up on things now? You need to be patient with him and understand where he’s coming from. First, you must identify what’s stopping him…

Fear of failure

We have all been guilty of this I’m sure. Nobody dreams of failing. The thought of putting himself out there and being unsuccessful is incredibly daunting for both young boys and grown men alike. When you’re young and haven’t found your footing in the tribe yet it’s easy to choose to remain quiet and safe from embarrassment and ridicule. Though these aren’t usually the result of failure, it can take many years to realise it. It will feel to him as if all eyes are on him and failing in anything will bring shame from his peers and disappointment from you. Understandably this can be crippling to a boy. He must learn that failure is necessary for growth. One of the greatest lessons that I’ve learnt is if you never fail then you aren’t trying hard enough. The more you fail, the more you grow.

Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never- in nothing, great or small, large or petty…
Winston Churchill

Lack of experience

You definitely can’t blame him for this one. Especially in modern times, boys can go through their young life protected from any hardships. This is evident in the young men idolised in the media. “Celebrities” and “influencers” that have never had to strive for anything and so end up pampered, spoilt and, unfortunately, revered. But the younger your son is, the fewer chances he’s had to experience failure and learn that the consequences are always far worse in his head than reality. Only through these situations can he develop the problem-solving skills he needs. Give your son the oppurtunity to fail from an early age so that he can build the strength to learn from it.

Lack of confidence

By experiencing hardship and overcoming the fear of failure, your son will be instilled with confidence in his own abilities. Nothing is more powerful for a young man than to be able to hold himself with pride and face adversity with the knowledge that he can overcome it, or learn from it. Confidence is often misplaced nowadays. “Men” parade themselves online airbrushed and juiced on yachts or next to fast cars and are hailed as confident alpha males. But this is not confidence. These superficial things don’t instil confidence in a man and should not be applauded as such. True confidence comes from adversity.

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What can you do as a father?

I understand that it can be dispiriting to watch your child give up on something important. Especially when it feels like nothing you do is working and no amount of encouragement helps them see through tough situations. Though you may know what lies on the far side of perseverance, your son may not. Not yet! Implementing Stoic philosophy and self-confidence into his life from early on will help him fight off discouragement from both third parties and himself.

Stoic philosophy has been used for centuries, and is still used by the most successful people, to find strength in impossible-seeming situations. By incorporating it into your fathering approach, you can embolden your son with determination and courage. As well as this theoretical approach, give him opportunities to push himself out of his comfort zone and achieve. By working hard, win or fail, he will gain a self-confidence that is lacking in many men and boys today. True confidence will prevent him from discouragement and give him the power to succeed in whatever he chooses to do.

Something else you can do for your son is boost his health by ensuring he gets enough sunlight! Learn about the power of sunlight here…

Empowering Your Child Through the Practice of Stoicism

Stoicism is an ancient approach to life that emphasizes self-control and resilience in the face of adversity(1). It helps individuals learn to confront negative emotions and difficult situations without becoming overwhelmed by them(2). Fathers can use this philosophy as a tool to help empower their sons, teaching them how to be emotionally strong enough to pursue goals despite any opposition or failure(3).

Through the practice of Stoicism, your son can learn to accept life’s challenges, cultivate a sense of self-confidence and belief in himself, and find strength in difficult times. You are an essential role model when it comes to teaching your son how to view adversity and use it as an opportunity for growth and success(4).

If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining.
Marcus Aurelius

I came across Stoicism through the books ‘Meditations’ by Marcus Aurelius and ‘The Daily Stoic’ by Ryan Holiday. They are great for constant reminders of the bigger picture. You must teach your son that no matter how big his problems seem, they are nothing in the grand scheme of things. And they are nothing compared to what people have endured in the past and are enduring now. This perspective has helped me many times to dampen my worries and push through adversity. As a soldier, there have been many times when I have found comfort in the knowledge of what other soldiers have gone through in the past. To add to this mindset, it is also worth trying to highlight to your son how other people live and what others deal with. Perspective is lacking in todays pampered society.

You can find affiliate links to the books later on in the article. Please be aware that I will only ever advise products that I believe in.

How to Foster Resilience and Perseverance in Your Child

It’s natural for fathers to want their sons to succeed in everything they try. And because we love them, we feel that they can. Unfortunately, life can be tough, and setbacks and failures are all part of the learning process. An important part! That’s why it’s important to foster resilience and perseverance in your son. These two traits cannot be overestimated and will grant your son the tools he needs to bounce back from disappointments and keep working towards his goals. So how can you help foster these traits?

Encourage him to try new things, even if he is scared or unsure.

Praise effort over results.

Instil confidence in himself. My son is only young and has recently started school. Whenever I pick him up I remind myself of what Steve Peters says in ‘The Chimp Paradox’. He imagines a situation where a parent picks their child up from school that is brandishing a picture that they have drawn. He states the importance of not praising them for the picture straight away but to first hug them and tell them you are happy to see them. This will let them know that you love them for who they are and not what they achieve(5). (The amazon link is above!)

Teach him to view failures as opportunities to learn and grow.

Show him that mistakes are a natural part of life and that it’s okay to ask for help.

Find out how red meat is a natural part of a human diet and essential for your son’s health!

Tips for Supporting Your Child’s Goals and Dreams

From a young age, children have an idea of what they want to achieve in life. However, success means different things to different people. For some, it’s academic achievement or a prestigious career. For others, it might be pursuing their passions or helping others. And even if they don’t know, they often have their heart set on something, even in the short term. How demoralising it must be for a son to have a father that either doesn’t believe in his dreams as he does or doesn’t believe that he can acheive them. This will only breed negativity in your son and cause him to want to give up more as the stakes for failure seem higher.

Support your son by feeding him the healthiest diet possible!

You can encourage him to pursue his passions by providing him with the necessary resources and support. This may include enrolling him in classes, helping him with homework, and being there to listen to his ideas and concerns. Be patient and understanding as he navigates his path, and celebrate his successes along the way. Support your son and give him your full backing to provide him with the strength to continue. And always remind him that whatever he chooses, you are proud of him and love him. Don’t equate support with unnecessary pressure to succeed. Life is hard enough and he will be putting enough pressure on himself.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement

To instill perseverance and banish fear of failure, positive reinforcement and encouragement can be incredibly powerful tools. Rather than focusing on what your son has done wrong or pointing out his flaws, highlighting his strengths and celebrating his successes can create a much more productive and supportive environment. Offering words of encouragement and acknowledging your son’s hard work can boost his confidence, increase his motivation, and help him to strive for even greater achievements. Encourage him how to stand strong in situations where giving up seems like the only option. Ultimately, it is important to recognise that it is your job as a father to guide your son on his journey towards finding success while remaining a pillar of strength and encouragement.

Encourage your son to play outside to boost his mood, his brain and his life!

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