Perfect planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance. Let’s be honest. When you get that phonecall, or feel those nails dig excruciatingly into your arm, your head will be on fire. You need to have everything ready, or atleast have an idea of what you need, to survive the next few hours- or days! But how are you meant to know what a dad should pack for the hospital?
The mother knows the score. She’s done the research. She’s heard all the anecdotes from friends and family. What music to listen to, what scents to use, how badly it went when her cousin’s stupid husband forgot her physio ball….
She’s probably told you all this too. But that was months ago. Alot’s happened since then, back when the birth was just a date on a distant page in the calendar. But now that page is here. And that highlighted number catches your eye every morning. You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade.
What should a Dad pack for the hospital?
Preparation is your best friend. When the bugle sounds, you don’t want to still be pulling up your trousers. Remember, the doctors told you what the due date is, but nobody told your baby.
When it finally happens it’ll be your time to shine. The mother will be all over the place, worrying more about the battle she has to face than remembering to pack snacks, or the whale music she’s been excited about for 9 months. You can be the cool-headed supportive father whos name echoes through the ages. Or you can cringe whenever a new pregnancy is announced, anticipating the cruel stories of your shortcomings.
Be the hero. Have a copy of this checklist to hand in the final weeks, so that when the time comes, you have a fighting chance.
1. Phone
It sounds obvious seeing as we all carry them all the time. But you don’t know when the water’s going to break. It might be in the middle of the night, or when you’re in the shower. And when your wife’s bent double in pain and scared for what’s to come you won’t be able to think about anything else- you’re such a good bloke.
Of course you’ll want your phone for keeping her mother up to date with everything that’s going on (cm dilated etc), and for making sure you get a picture of the triumphant mother with her new baby in her arms. A picture where the mother looks more exhausted than she ever has, with a massive face, holding a gooey purple alien. Basically, a picture she’ll never want to look at again.
Take your phone. You might be waiting for a while.
2. Phone charger
Have a spare and stick it in your hospital bag ready to go. As with the phone, you don’t know how long you’re going to be there, so make sure you’ve got enough power to keep yourself entertained. Don’t worry about her. She’ll be in the zone breathing, meditating and staying positive. You might have the time to learn chess, or a new language, or start a business. Don’t waste it.
3. Speaker/ headphones
If you’ve got your own room hook a speaker up to your phone to play whatever soothing music your wife’s chosen- I hope for your sake it isn’t whale sounds. Or if you’re in a ward then she can put on the headphones to help her get into her own world. Let’s be honest, you aren’t really needed, especially at this stage. So she’ll be more than happy to put some headphones on and block you out. This will help her get into her zen birthing state even better. And while she’s there, especially if there’s any sort of voiceover on the music, get your own headphones on a find your own zen state.
4. Pillow
Ideally this is her favourite pillow to bring her a touch of homely comfort to an impersonal hospital. In reality it’s more likely that you’ll need it for when you’re sleeping on a chair, bench, or floor, which is almost inevitable at some point. Go one step further like I did and use it to sleep on your wife’s bed while she bounces on her physio ball. We hadn’t even been there long at that point either. And she still told the midwife not to wake me up. What a girl!
For more on midwives and how to deal with them, I am working on a pregnancy pamphlet for new dads-to-be. Subscribe to our newsletter to be the first to receive it.
My wife absolutely loved this pillow. she cuddled it while struggling with late pregnancy whilst I wasn’t there and carried on all the way through breastfeeding. I get a small commission anytime you buy through on of the links. But it’s all stuff I really recommend.
5. Diffuser/ Spray
Again, this depends on your hospital and whether you have your own room. If you do, then setting up an aromatherapy diffuser can be great for helping your wife relax as much as possible. If you’re in a ward then make up a spray to go on her pillow so she can smell it as she rests her tired little head.
The most common blend of scents to use is lavender and clary sage. Clary sage is an essential oil that, if your wife’s anything like mine, you won’t stop hearing about as the due date gets closer. Apparently this potent, ridiculously expensive, little bottle is so powerful that she wouldn’t go near it too early in case she induced premature labour.
It’s used to promote contractions, so good to have around when you actually want the baby to come. Mixing it with the lavender helps relax her and reduces anxiety(1).
6. Snacks
If you’ve never witnessed the labour process before then get ready to be impressed. As I mentioned above, I managed to get my head down for a good chunk of the time, but my wife was up incessantly bouncing on her ball. For hours. While having countless contractions. And stressing about what was to come next. And then there’s the actual birth itself.
Needless to say, she’s working hard. And because her mind will be fixed on finding her happy place and thinking about pushing – I imagine- she will definitely forget to eat. So, as hungry and bored as you will likely be, prioritise her hunger. Don’t eat all the food you fat shit. She’s going to need the energy.
In all seriousness, hospital food is absolutely terrible- in the UK anyway. So make sure to bring something that is actually nutrient dense and will give her what she needs. Keep her away from the hospital food at all costs.
Read here to learn how a mother’s diet can affect the health of her baby.
Read here to learn about what snacks to definitely not take to the hospital.
7. Water bottle
Same as above. It’s an extremely tiring process for her and she won’t be thinking about things like eating or drinking so is at risk of becoming dehydrated. It’s definitely worth investing in a decent bottle that keeps your water cold. Your wife will be hot and bothered. So save yourself endless trips to the water fountain and have a look at the water bottles below that I recommend using. I’ve taken my chillies bottle from desert to tundra and it never fails. If she’s really hot it’s worth getting two. One for her to drink and one full of ice water to keep her cool.
8. Book
Even if you’re not an avid reader. The hours spent under hospital artificial light can mean that you don’t want to compound the eye ache by looking at a screen for too long. So I definitely recommend taking a book in case you’re there for a while.
Why not take a couple of Julia Donaldson classics to memorise. You’ll know The Gruffallo off by heart soon enough anyway so may as well get in there early.
9. Hoody
Maternity wards can get pretty chilly. Obviously it’s because labour is a difficult process and the mothers get hot, so the midwives keep the temperature down as best they can. Of course not everybody in that ward is a mother with an internal radiator. You’ll see the fathers that didn’t read this list, and forgot their hoody, curled up shivering by their wife’s bed. While the acclimatised midwives laugh to themselves, always happy to see the plight of the fathers- who’s fault of this is.
10. Toiletries
For the both of you. Going back to the picture I mentioned above. If your wife gets a chance, she’ll be getting herself ready for that photo. You’d be surprised about what they worry about. They’re about to go through hours of labour and push a baby out, but they’ll still risk serious injury to shave themselves down there so they look tidy for the midwife. (I’m not suggesting you bring a razor to do that at the hospital).
Also remember some stuff for yourself. Your wife will get showered, bathed, rubbed in oil and fed grapes, while you’ll be lucky to get spat on by a midwife as a shower. Seriously, at least remember a toothbrush and toothpaste.
11. Nighty (for her)
Your wife might want to pack her favourite fluffy pyjamas so that she’s comfortable. The only issue is that traditional bottoms are quite restricted for space between the legs. There’s a lot going on down there before, during and after birth, so be the switched on hero and pack her a nighty. Go one step further and buy her a nice new one as a present.
12. Massage oil
It might be the first time that you’ll offer your wife a selfless massage. But it’s a good time to do it. Massaging with essential oils can help her to relax, and the physical contact can release oxytocin- the hormone she needs for contracting. Massage therapy during pregnancy in general can reduce depression and anxiety as well as pain. Both aches during pregnancy and pain during labour. These women also have shorter labours and need less medication(2).
13. Baby clothes
I’m sure your wife will be all over this. But just in case, remember to take a few sets of vests and baby-grows. And hats! You’ll hardly see your baby’s head for the first couple of months.
14. Muslin cloths
These are such a staple part of parenthood that I’m surprised women haven’t evolved to excrete them with their breast milk. We had piles of these round the house and one on every bag and every pocket. They’re handy to be fair. We still use them now. So buy a stack and take it with you for when the baby comes and things get messy- forever.
15. Towel
Not for you! There’s no chance you’ll be able to grab a shower. It’s just for in case the hospital ones aren’t great. Then at least your wife can have as close to a pamper as possible.
Also, if she’s planning on having a water birth then you’ll need one for after. If that’s the case then bring one for yourself. And some swim shorts.
16. Blanket
Again, this is just for her comfort and to try to take her away from the sterile hospital interior. If she’s got a favourite one from home then bring that. Or buy her a new one and spray it with some lavender- and clary sage for when you’ve had enough of waiting- for maximum points.
17. Labour props
I’m sure your wife will have found something revolutionary that she has to take to hospital to make labour a breeze. Mine was obsessed with her physio ball. She’d bounce on it for hours- honestly hours. And when he went into hospital it had to come. Never mind that we were going to a fully stocked maternity ward. It was coming with us.
Whatever your wife is into, bring it along. Whether you think it’ll help or not. At the end of the day, I guarantee she knows more about all of this than you. So go with it.
18. Car seat
This is a big one. There’s absolutely no way I would have remembered this.
It’s mad though. Going to the hospital just the two of you and coming out responsible for someone else. Someone else that can’t just sit in a car like we do. Honestly, if my wife hadn’t told me to put it in the car I would have been stranded with a wounded mother and a feeble baby. Both pissed off at me, Definitely remover it. In fact, put it in your car now.
If you’re taking the bus or walking back then this isn’t a big one for you. But your wife will still be pissed off with you anyway. Definitely don’t try and get her to cycle back.
19. Coffee
Take flasks full of it. Hospital coffee is horrendous, and you’ll want to stay perked up so you don’t miss all the fun: the dilations, the sweeps, the mucus. It’s all part of it. Don’t worry if you’ve drank it all by the time the birth actually starts. You won’t need any caffeine to focus then.
20. Knowledge
Knowledge is power. If you’re anything like me, it wasn’t until my wife got pregnant that I realised I knew pretty much nothing about pregnancy. And then not until my son was born until I realised that I knew nothing about parenting. Your wife will be all over this. They’re made for it. But for your own sake I recommend getting a few books or doing some online research just so you don’t feel as apprehensive as I did.
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References
1.https://www.cincinnatibirthcenter.com/blog/guide-to-essential-oils-for-birth
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