9 ways to help boys control their temper

It can take a long time for young boys to learn to effectively control their emotions. Along the way there’s bound to be outbursts. Read our 9 ways to help boys control their temper below for advice and reassurance…

How to help boys control their temper: an intro

It is not uncommon for children to struggle with controlling their temper as they navigate the world around them. Particularly for young boys, who are often encouraged to suppress their emotions, managing anger can be a significant challenge.

In this piece, we will delve into nine practical strategies parents can utilise to assist their sons in gaining a healthier and more productive control over their temper.

Why do children lose their temper?

Children often lose their temper due to a variety of factors. Firstly, their emotional and mental faculties are still in the process of development, making it hard for them to regulate their feelings effectively(1). They may also react out of frustration when they’re unable to express their feelings or needs appropriately due to limited vocabulary or communication skills(2).

Additionally, environmental factors such as a change in routine, overstimulation, or fatigue can trigger outbursts. Lastly, some children may exhibit frequent temper tantrums as a learned behaviour because it gets them the attention or the outcome they desire(3).

Why do boys lose their temper more than girls?

Boys tend to lose their temper more frequently than girls due to sociocultural conditioning and the biological aspects of their development. Societal expectations often pigeonhole boys into expressing their emotions through aggression or anger, leading to an over-reliance on these expressions.

Furthermore, boys, especially during their early years, might have less developed verbal skills compared to girls, making it difficult for them to articulate their emotions effectively(4). This can result in frustration and subsequent temper outbursts. Lastly, testosterone, a hormone significantly higher in boys from at least the age of 6(5), has been linked to aggressive behaviour, which might also contribute to more frequent displays of temper.

Why is it important for a child to be able to control their temper?

Learning to control one’s temper is a crucial part of a child’s emotional development and well-being. It helps them navigate social situations more effectively, fosters healthier relationships, and reduces stress and anxiety.

Furthermore, children with better temper control tend to have a higher tolerance for frustration, are more empathetic, and display greater resilience in the face of adversity.

Additionally, it lays the foundation for emotional self-regulation, a critical skill that can lead to greater success in various aspects of life, including academic performance and mental health(6). If a child is unable to control their temper, it could lead to persistent behavioural issues, difficulties with peers, and problems in school.

Therefore, teaching children how to manage their anger positively and constructively is of paramount importance.

9 ways to help boys control their temper

1. Teach him to identify emotions

Teaching a boy to identify his emotions is a step-by-step process that requires patience, understanding, and consistency. Start by providing him with the language to express a range of emotions. Label emotions when you see them in daily life, in him, and in others, be it in real-world interactions or in media such as books or movies.

Use straightforward, accessible language that he can understand and connect with his experiences. Use phrases like “I can see that you’re upset because you can’t have the toy now, that’s called frustration,” or “She looks happy in the picture. How do you know she’s happy?” Gradually, as his emotional vocabulary expands, encourage him to use these words to express how he feels.

Regularly engage him in conversations about feelings, validating his emotions and ensuring he understands that it’s perfectly normal to experience a range of emotions. With time, this practice will help him become more self-aware and better equipped to manage his feelings.

2. Set clear boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is crucial for your son’s behavioural and emotional development. Boundaries provide a sense of security and understanding of what is acceptable behaviour and what is not(7). They clarify expectations and consequences, contributing to a sense of fairness and justice. Furthermore, they encourage self-discipline and personal responsibility, fostering a sense of independence.

Boundaries can also equip your son with a better understanding of social norms and customs, aiding in his social interactions and relationships. Lastly, having established boundaries can mitigate potential triggers for temper tantrums, thereby promoting calmer, more controlled reactions.

3. Model good behavior

Parents are a child’s first and most influential role models, and their behaviour significantly shapes a child’s emotional and behavioural development. By demonstrating emotional self-control, parents can set an excellent example for their children. When faced with stress or frustration, parents should strive to respond calmly and thoughtfully, rather than react impulsively.

Speaking respectfully to others, even in a disagreement, can teach valuable lessons on empathy and communication. Apologising when necessary can show that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as we take responsibility and try to make amends. Additionally, parents can model good behaviour by showing patience, practicing active listening, and exhibiting kindness and generosity towards others. Each of these behaviours displays emotional maturity and can guide a child in developing similar habits(8).

4. Teach relaxation techniques

1. Deep Breathing Exercises: Deep breathing can be an incredibly effective method for calming down. Teach your son to take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly. This can help him to relax and regain control of his emotions.
2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This technique involves tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in the body. Start from the toes and work your way up to the head. This can help your son to feel more in touch with his physical presence and divert his attention from his anger.
3. Mindfulness: Mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment and accepting it without judgment. Simple mindfulness exercises can help your son to become more aware of his surroundings and his feelings, which can, in turn, help him to manage his anger more effectively.
4. Visualisation: Encourage your son to close his eyes and imagine a peaceful place or situation. This can help him to shift his focus away from what’s causing his anger and towards something that makes him feel calm and happy.
5. Yoga: Yoga combines physical poses with deep breathing and meditation. Simple yoga exercises can promote relaxation, reduce stress, and help your son to feel more in control of his emotions.
6. Physical Activity: Encourage your son to channel his anger into physical activity. This could be as simple as running around the garden, jumping on a trampoline, or riding a bike. Physical activity can help to reduce feelings of anger and promote a greater sense of calm.
7. Artistic Expression: Encourage your son to express his feelings through art. This might be through drawing, painting, or writing. This can provide a creative outlet for his anger and help him to make sense of his feelings.
8. Listening to Music: Music can have a profound effect on our emotions. Encourage your son to listen to calming music when he’s feeling angry. This can help him to relax and reduce his anger.

5. Promote physical activity

Physical activity can play a significant role in managing a child’s temper(9). When children partake in physical activities, their bodies release endorphins, chemicals in the brain that act as natural mood lifters(10). These endorphins help to reduce stress, anxiety, and anger, promoting feelings of happiness and relaxation(11).

Moreover, physical activity provides a healthy outlet for children to express their emotions and frustrations, enabling them to vent their energy in a positive manner. Activities such as team sports can also teach children about cooperation, respect, and handling disappointments, which are valuable life skills that can aid in temper management. Hence, regular physical activity should be encouraged as part of a child’s routine to foster emotional well-being.

6. Encourage him to express himself

Encouraging your son to express himself is crucial for his emotional maturity and communication skills. It allows him to articulate his feelings, thoughts, and ideas effectively, leading to better understanding and empathy from others. By doing this, he can build healthier relationships, resolve conflicts amicably, and feel more confident in his own identity.

To encourage self-expression, parents can engage their child in open-ended conversations, listen attentively, and show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. Validate his feelings and reassure him that it’s okay to share his emotions. Activities such as story-telling, role-playing, or creative arts can also facilitate self-expression, allowing him to communicate in a way that feels natural and enjoyable to him. Always remember to be patient and encouraging, as it takes time for children to develop these skills.

7. Reinforce positive behaviour

Reinforcing positive behaviour plays a pivotal role in managing your son’s temper. The concept is grounded in the psychological theory of operant conditioning, which posits that behaviours followed by positive outcomes are more likely to be repeated in the future(12).

When your son acts in a way that reflects emotional maturity and control over his temper, acknowledging and praising this behaviour motivates him to repeat it. It provides him with a clear understanding of the type of conduct that is expected and appreciated, thus encouraging the repetition of said behaviour.

Over time, this consistent reinforcement can result in a significant reduction in temper outbursts and an overall improvement in emotional regulation. So, make sure to recognise and celebrate your son’s successes, no matter how small, as each one is a positive step towards better temper control.

8. Inculcate problem-solving skills

Instilling problem-solving skills in your child can go a long way in managing his temper. It enables children to handle conflicts and difficult situations in a rational and thoughtful manner, rather than resorting to fits of anger. Start by teaching your child how to identify problems, brainstorm potential solutions, evaluate the pros and cons of each solution, choose the best one, and finally, implement it.

As part of this process, encourage him to think critically and make decisions based on reasoning rather than emotions. This skill not only helps in managing temper tantrums but also proves beneficial in various aspects of life(13). Incorporate problem-solving exercises in your child’s daily activities or play games that stimulate critical thinking to make the learning process more engaging.

9. Provide a supportive environment

A supportive environment plays a significant role in helping to manage a child’s temper. This environment, filled with understanding, patience, and positive reinforcement, provides a safe space for children to express their emotions without fear of judgement or harsh criticism.

Parents and guardians can foster such an environment by consistently communicating with their children about their feelings, validating their emotions, and offering guidance on how to handle strong emotions effectively.

The presence of a stable and nurturing environment communicates to the child that their feelings are important and that they are loved and supported, irrespective of their emotional struggles. This sense of security and acceptance can greatly contribute to a child’s ability to manage their temper, promoting emotional maturity and resilience.

Summary

In conclusion, managing a child’s temper tantrums involves various strategies that reinforce positive behaviour, promote physical activity, encourage self-expression, inculcate problem-solving skills, and provide a supportive environment. Engaging in physical activities allows children to express their emotions and frustrations in a positive way, while encouraging self-expression enhances emotional maturity and communication skills.

Reinforcing positive behaviour motivates children to act in emotionally mature ways and the inculcation of problem-solving skills enables rational handling of conflicts. Lastly, providing a supportive environment enables children to express their emotions freely and effectively, promoting emotional maturity and resilience.

By employing these strategies, parents and guardians can help children manage their tempers, fostering their emotional well-being.

References

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5803568/
2. https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=One%20common%20trigger%20is%20frustration,compulsive%20disorder%2C%20and%20Tourette%27s%20syndrome.
3. https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/toddlersandpreschoolers/consequences/ignoring.html
4. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6509633/#:~:text=During%20the%20first%20years%20of,words%20(21%2C22).
5. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC116575/
6. https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-regulation/#:~:text=Studies%20on%20emotional%20regulation%20indicate,control%20and%20social%2Demotional%20intelligence.
7. https://growingearlyminds.org.au/tips/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-with-your-kids/#:~:text=Setting%20boundaries%20with%20your%20child,when%20they%20start%20entering%20preschool.
8. https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/young_children_learn_by_copying_you
9. https://www.counselingperspective.com/blog/exercise-anger-management#:~:text=Exercise%20can%20work%20as%20a,a%20tool%20to%20overcome%20anger.
10. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469#:~:text=Exercise%20increases%20your%20overall%20health,%2Dgood%20neurotransmitters%2C%20called%20endorphins.
11. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23040-endorphins
12. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-positive-reinforcement-2795412#:~:text=In%20operant%20conditioning%2C%20positive%20reinforcement,or%20behavior%20will%20be%20strengthened.
13. https://positivepsychology.com/anger-management-therapy/